~Rockitch

my boyfriend goes away to nelson for three months on the 21st of this month, and i plan on followig him at the end of august, but i cant help but have this voice scream at from inside the back of my head "STOP BEING AN IDIOT! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU THINKING?!" so im a tad nervouse, maybe its just because this is the first thing im doing in life, just for me. my dad told me he was concerend because i would be too far away from help and the people that care about me.... so he wants me to stay in my comfort zone... which realy isnt me in any shape or form. and my mother just doesnt want me to go and leave school and go to nelson for two months because then the child support payments stop coming in, and then she may have to get her first fuoll time job in her entire life (i think she may just go on the sickness benifit instead, and spend her days at home thinking of ways to yell at me and make my life hell) my sister wants me to stay so that i can move in with her, and live in her falt so that she doesnt have to pay as much rent while she goes to teachers colledge. ditto. and my friends are either realy supportive and just cry because they are going to miss me, or realy angry at me for leaving thema t such hard times in their life. my boyfriend just wants me to leawd my own life, and would realy like for me to go with him, but only if thats what i want. and i do realy watn it, im extremly excited to have an adventure, my first real adventure in life..... my first shot at independance.

ihave jsut had a close friends dad die on monday, funeral 2morrow.... and i need to be dealing with it, whilst doing my art homework and its driving me insane, i also dont know if im even seeing the year through or moving up to nelson soon, and im stressed to the max about all of these things, on top of wanting to be there for the eders and not wanting to disapoint anyone. if i move up to nelson its for my boyfriend, whom was just offered a brilliant job, and a big step towards a brighter future for himself, but if i go i could ruin my own future and be left with regret, but if i dont go i could be missing out on something wonderfull, and regret that for the rest of my life. and im just so scared of making the biggest mistake of my life either way, and while im worried about that im grieving for rod.
GAH.

new poems!
i shall be writing probably alot of new poems.... as i enjoy it, but i have not fucking clue as to how to catorgarise them, and my spelling is poose! but if you want to, you can coment on them, and tell me how i should catorgarise them, and why the fit into that specific catorgory!

ok soooooo a new entry... im avoiding doing homework,the ONE thing im realy good at in life, im typing nwo, so that mum thinkis im actually doing work, but realy you all know the truth, is it me, or do i just talk shit when i write these entrys? lol yea thats what i thought

so i handed imy drawing credits, knowing full well that i had rushed EVERYTHING excpt the drawings, and its realy irrating because im having to deal with a new art teacher, who doesnt know where my skills lie, and so i have to bring MY WHOLE FRIGGEN FOLIO in from last year to show her, on top of that they want me to redo most of my drawing credits, and they like the work i ABSOULUTLY HATE but that doesnt matter, because all that matters is what they think, im just the fucking artist.

and i get this bashing from them, the day after i find out my uncle had died a week ago, but my dad failed to mention it to me.... because hes retarded.....and my "friends" where all spreading roomers about me.... without asking me if they where true, just talking about me behind my back.